The morning after

Last night was a disaster. I was downstairs. I ended up on the floor with nothing but a blanket under my head, though I am grateful for that. When I knew I was going to throw up, I couldn't even open my eyes, let alone try to get up. After vomiting all over the blanket, I tried to lift my head, but was unable to. I was freezing but knew I was just going to have to lie there. About 2:30 this morning, I was able to crawl up the stairs to my bedroom. But even then, all that movement stirred up my stomach once again. At least this time I was close to the toilet. After a year and a half (and then some) without a sip of alcohol, I suppose I overdid it. I used a blender bottle, which I believe is 30 ounces. I poured one 12 ounce can of diet dr. pepper, and filled the rest with vodka. One thing I forgot about, is how miserable the night is when I'm drunk. Sleep is practically non-existent. The positive side of that, is I didn't have any nightmares. The constant bad dreams that has plagued my sleep for the last week. I don't understand how people forget things after drinking. I thought I drank enough to take care of that, but I remember everything. Is it possible to be blacked out, yet still remember where I am and whats going on?
The hangover today has been miserable. I don't have a headache at all, but the sickness is quite evident. Around 12:30 this afternoon, there was a knock at my door. I saw that it was the relief society presidency. I ignored them, but they kept knocking and ringing the bell. They knew I was home, as my car was sitting right there in the driveway. So I opened the door. In my pajamas. Feeling like I was going to throw up on them. They came in and handed me some chicken, beans, and brownies. Then they took their shoes off and started moving boxes to the rooms they were to end up in. One of them said she would be back tonight to mow my yard, and she would bring some young men to get the rest of my stuff out of the other house. I'm grateful for this, but today could not have been a worse day. I went back to bed after deciding I wasn't going to go to the missionary staff meeting.
The thing about today...about drinking, and the hangover...I know I can take medicine to lessen the effects. I can sleep it off. It will come to an end. But in all reality, I don't feel any worse than I did before. Nor do I feel better. And I won't, either.